End of the Month

Day after day, time is moving faster than ever. Before you know it, another month ended and it is the beginning of a new month already. Then, it is the start of another year. Who decided that a year consists on 12 months and 365 to 366 days? Why couldn’t it be 100 days? Why couldn’t it be 400 days?

It feels like time flies before me and I have absolutely no idea what just happened. Photos are the only proof to me of what has happened so far this year and they feel surreal as it was not me who lived in that moment. It is like I do not know who that girl is. It is like she is another person and not me. It sucks because I only have one photo for the 31st and that is how much I will be able to recall. Funny I did not delete this photo as I thought it’s funny how my taxi driver does not know how to use iPhone since Samsung is a more popular choice here in South Korea.

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(I tried showing the address of the place I wanted to go and he tried to zoom instead he took a photo.)

Anyway.

Again though, am I even real? Sounds mental, but that was how I felt last night troubling to fall asleep for early morning class today. I thought I could change. I thought I could be happier than last December. This year is going to be a new beginning of happiness for me, yet when I recalled what had happened early in the year was just me striving for a change so badly. They said, “Fake it till you make it.” I followed the rule and it worked for a short while until here I am today, the demon reawoke. Don’t leave me alone with my own thoughts, please.

Did you know that when your brain keeps functioning way too much, your head actually starts hurting and you feel dizzy? Thoughts run extremely wild, I know. It feels like it only gets worse every time it triggers yet again. It feels like you finally conquer the anxiety one day and everything seems to blossom and be right, then one day it all comes back together worse than ever. It just will not go away.

In a cold, cold room, all you hear is your own mind strangling you with the darkest thoughts. It freakings murder you alive.

Please don’t get into a relationship if you can’t be happy on your own. Once they left, it is just straight mental abuse you set yourself up for.

Talk to you again next Monday.

Thank you for reading.

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